The Problem with Professionals

The Problem with Professionals

Maybe you’ve heard this somewhere before…but, Blank European soccer player gets busted by significant other for going to a pro. So let me get this straight…you’re a twenty something PROFESSIONAL athlete that earns upwards of 50K a week and cannot find a girl to have sex with you that you don’t have to pay? Maybe you feel that the dinner or date you would take a normal girl on would cost the same as an escort and still not guarantee some action. Or maybe it’s because even though you are a famous soccer player, your still bat shit ugly. So I guess Rooney and Ribéry are excused from this equation because while they were blessed with amazing skill on the soccer field, they are still short, ugly looking dudes. (Author’s note: I love soccer and would trade a lot to be able to play in the EPL and do the things that they do, so that is why I just can’t fathom paying for sex when you’re a professional athlete in ANY sport.)

I’ve spent the morning racking my brain and I’ve come up with the top 5 reasons why European Players use Pros. (Still no excusing it)

1. There is no work involved. Someone makes a call, she shows up, you might or might not go to dinner, and then guaranteed sex. Which if you are lazy and bored for a night, why not? Plus maybe it helps them relax, knowing they don’t have be on their game to get laid. Knowing is half the battle! (Yeah, I quoted Captain G.I. Joe in an article about prostitution.)

2. They are discrete. Unless you they get popped for underage solicitation, in that case, watch out! They are flipping on everyone. But for the most part, half the reason you are paying is to keep them quiet.

3. Jersey Chasers have gone social. Long gone are the days where Jordan and Arnie could bag trim in every city and have no one at home be the wiser. These days, if you are lucky enough to escape a one night stand without a “broken” rubber or the girl not stealing your sperm and turkey basting that shit up inside her for a monthly check, you will still have to deal with them going viral, tweeting, blogging, and facebooking about their latest celebrity triumph.

4. British girls are not hot… Which I find hard to believe. I mean there seems like there should be enough quality pieces of ass in London alone that are self-sufficient, successful women who wouldn’t mind the company of an accomplished footballer. Yet apparently that seems not to be the case. However, I have a feeling that this is mostly a combination of two things: one, successful attractive British birds are usually highly educated, so while having a go with a footballer might be fun for a laugh or story, carrying on a conversation with most of them who never even attended University would be painfully drab. Second, those types of girls might not want to wake up and find themselves on page six and have to answer for it the next day at the staff meeting.

5. You can mix up the flavors. Feeling Italian? No problem. Algerian or maybe Asian? Brunette or Blonde? Small pointy tits or giant fun-bags? With an escort, the choice is yours! You get to pick the girl you want, from hair color to ethnicity and with the amount of money that these guys are paying, the quality is always assured.

All of these things actually make it very appealing, yet I have a fundamental problem paying for something that, if I apply myself, I can get for free. Which brings up a great point, apparently a majority of European Soccer players lack any resemblance of game. (With the notable exceptions of just about any Spanish, Italian, or Portuguese players) I would not be surprised if their only move is “Hey, I’m a footballer, mind if I buy you a drink?” It makes me realize just how much most of the players missed out on by not attending normal school and university. College is an institute of higher learning, but it’s also the place where most people develop their set of social skills, these guys never really had that. They were training and playing football (which is pretty much a great life regardless) but they didn’t really develop fully. Which is why you see what you do, when you have been in the public eye and spotlight since you were 16 like Wayne Rooney, when are you suppose to learn how to carry on adult conversations with women?

In the end I can’t blame them for taking the easy way out, but for everyone’s sake, put a little effort into it and don’t pay for it. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

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