I now know why John Carter bombed soo miserably. So inexplicable…un-charismatic and dull, it’s no wonder it blew up in everyone’s face. I have to admit I was excited about the possibilities of John Carter, the trailers looked above average, Finding Nemo is one of my top five Disney movies of all time (why does that matter? Because they both were directed by Andrew Stanton), yet despite all of this I found myself scrolling through twitter half way through the movie. It’s a shame it was so boring. I spent the rest of the night trying to put my finger on why, and honestly I could not tell you. I felt no connection with any of the characters, the action was choppy and not engaging, and Mr. Bomb, Taylor Kitsch cannot carry a movie. Well I guess I could put my finger on why I did not like it. All I can say is that I am extremely happy I only spent a 1.50 at Redbox to watch it. Ohh and any movie that features a WILLEM DAFOE voice over is destined to fail, his voice is just creepy.
Final Game of Thrones Update: Finished Season 2. Worst part is, I’m still on the fence. The supposed epic battle episode, which featured some incredibly graphic kills, a sweet drum beat, and a bad ass ship explosion, was still not that good. Honestly, it ranks pretty low on my scale of bad ass battles. Then again, most of those are movies, so maybe I should cut it some slack. I cannot go as far to say the show is bad, but it is certainly over rated. Maybe I am biased and my expectations were ridiculously high, but I think everything about the show is above average, just not great. Although I am not entirely sure why.
This just pisses me off, but Peter Jackson is making The Hobbit movies, into a trilogy. I guess I am just bashing on fantasy worlds right now, but if there was ever someone that needed to be edited, it’s Peter Jackson. Seriously, can he make a movie under three hours??? Now he is taking one book, written for young adults and turning it into THREE movies. C’mon man, figure out how to tell your story quicker, unfortunately there will still be all your absurd fan-boys that come out in droves to see your bloated “masterpieces”. I read something from one of these experts who actually had the nerve to say there was NOT one wasted second in the Lord of the Rings movies… Seriously, are you fucking kidding me?
The Dark Knight Rises topped Total Recall in the weekend box office, not that I can say I am surprised. But when you take a solid R-rated movie, and turn it into a tweener friendly PG-13 bastard, you get what you pay for. I mean they, should not have been the target audience and this rating all but assumes that the three boobed lady is not topless. Nor is there a midget prostitute mowing down everyone with a rifle. This is when studios piss me off. I mean Total Recall is an R-rated movie, it’s got violence, cussing, fucking, and nudity. I am tired of studios thinking they need to tone this stuff back to appeal to a wider audience. Make a good fucking movie and people will go see it, TED was R, how’s that doing? What about The Hangover? This just in, people between the ages of 18 and 30 tend to go see movies, especially ones that were a huge part of their childhood (ok, maybe that was just me…)
Do yourself a favor and buy the first season of Suits. It’s really, really good and I hate lawyer shows. Then check out this season Thursday nights on USA. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Random Things:
The Expendables 2 is having fun with their marketing campaign, featuring Sly as Jesus at the Last Supper, arms crosses with two hand guns. There is a line and they just sprinted past it with two middle fingers waving in all directions.
In the horrible news of the week, Jimmy Fallon is in talks to host the Oscars. I remember when I felt Taxi was shafted for not winning best picture… (wait that was the Razzies, maybe he should host those… it’s more his speed.)
Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are trying to rekindle that Wedding Crasher magic with a comedy called The Internship. Yes, Will Ferrell will make a small appearance as well. No matter what, it is guaranteed not be anything as good as Wedding Crashers.
Any time we get Isla Fisher yelling about doing blow and going crazy with Kristen Dunst and Lizzy Caplan (you have seen in her a ton of stuff, she is the sarcastic black haired friend who says the inappropriate shit but doesn’t break into song ala Zooey), I have to be a little bit excited. Who does not love a raunchy chick flick anyway? Although I didn’t really care for Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids, but I love me some Isla Fisher, so I will watch Bachelorette…(I now need my man card temporarily held in contempt for the previous statement).
Enjoy the Artwork used in the cover pic.. I take credit for none of it, and just bringing you something cool from around the net!
